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Talk:Destiny/@comment-2142396-20170102093813
So I finally decided to go on and read ‘Destiny’, and make a break from ‘Seven Tears Shed’ because it doesn’t seem like I can to catch up with it. :D And the first thing I should say is I was very touched that you dedicated this story to me. It means a lot to me that you think so highly of my comments and encouragement, and I’m very glad to call you my friend. *hugs* I read only two chapters so far, but I already have much to say. I love the beginning you chose for the story and the way it drops the readers right into the action instead of building up a long introduction, and even though the attack on the train wasn’t very detailed in itself, its swiftness, intensity and suddenness showed us firsthand just how dangerous Esmerld is and how dire the situation. I like how precise and clear-cut the writing is due to the first person PoV, but if there is one thing it can be improved by it is adding more description/explanations. We learn the things as the story progresses, but I noticed that the things already known to Azul tend to elude us. For example, we never learn why Azul was heading to Winterdell in the first place, though it was implied that it was supposed to be a holiday/time off of sorts, and even after King Indigo was introduced, I still don’t know how he looks like except that he has blue eyes, and Lady Anirah’s mechanical arm was never mentioned, though it’s probably not common enough to go without notice or comment. I know that first person PoV can be limiting in sense because it would be strange for Azul to reminisce the things she already knows, and many people don’t like extended info-dumps, but I know that personally I would’ve like to get more information. ;) I liked the steampunk element of the story, even though the exact level of the technology available to Asguard was difficult to pin down. It definitely gave the world a refreshing flair with that combination of technology, magic and traditional medieval elements. A whole underground city isn’t something that’s easy to imagine, either. When you first mentioned the concept, I thought the buildings and houses would be built into the stone, sort of like subway stations, but the description makes me think that the Lower Svellcrest is more like a real town architecture-wise except that built in the caverns? On the other hand, I really liked the descriptions of the inside of the palace, such as the way Azul’s room is constructed like a ship cabin and how Martes’s workshop is connected with boiler rooms. And I like that the kingdom of Asguard isn’t considerably well-off and even the royal family has to limit themselves, because all the money goes to the army, it really lets us feel how the years-long war affects the society. By the way, can we clarify some worldbuilding there? Azul’s country is called Asguard, and its capital is Svellcrest, but in later chapters there are mentions of Taevar? Is it the name of the world or other country? I’m confused because it seems there that Azul calls her own country Taevar instead of Asguard… By the way, is the name of Esmerld a meaningful one? My first thought was that it sounds a lot like ‘emerald’, but then I couldn’t help but hear connotations with the word ‘smerdet’, meaning ‘to stink’ in Russian. ;) I like Azul’s conversation with Martes and the insight we get into her personality – it allowed me to get attached to her before the action started. Azul has pretty likable personality, even if she can be sarcastic and harsh sometimes, and she has her insecurities and flaws, but she is loyal and determined and strives to do best for her country, and that won me over. It seems that with each story, your ‘sonas become more and more like yourself – while Romsca was keeping a journal and Grath was an artist, Azul is the one who is actually an aspiring writer. :D Oh, and though I like Azul, it was Martes whom I fell in love with completely. You once mentioned that Martes is very much like Ivan from ‘Accused’ personality-wise, but I wouldn’t agree. Ivan was pretty closed-off, and while Martes can be quiet and more of a thinker than a beast of action, he is more easy-going and funny and, well, charming. But while, say, Ronza’s charm owes to his manners and courtesy, Martes’ is coming from his friendly demeanor, and it’s his sincerity that makes me love him. True, Martes does have a serious and matter-of-fact side to his personality that mostly manifests when he is working on his inventions, so that can be where the similarity goes from. Konan looks like he has an interesting backstory – even if his relationship with king Indigo isn’t the best at the moment, he is obviously trusted enough to take care of Azul, and he probably was a close friend of her parents and the king, to be so close to the royal family. After all, Indigo did mention that he wanted to be a mechanic in his youth, so that can be where he met Konan. By the way, I did recognize the cabby horse with crimson-tipped mane and tail – sneaky Shatter is there! :D I like how you introduced more of rarely seen species such as ring-tailed cats, minks and chinchillas to the story, though I admit I had difficulty imagining one as the captain of the guard – they are way too cute for that. ;) Now Ronza, oh Ronza, there is definitely something strange about him. If I read the account of his and Azul’s first meeting somewhere else, the very way Azul seemed to be fascinated with his striking emerald green eyes despite being in the middle of battle would’ve had me screaming about insta-love. But I know that romances in your stories are never that easy – in fact, most of your fursonas tend to friendzone their suitors at first, - so something else must be in work. What if there is some sort of spell/charm on Ronza to make everybeast who comes in contact with him to like him? That could be the reason why Azul felt that something was off about him, and Ronza was very surprised when Azul shut down all his attempts to get more friendly with her, something he his good looks and perfect manners should’ve guaranteed him. Besides, Ronza going off to ‘explore’ sounds suspiciously like he is trying to gather as much information on Svellcrest and the king’s palace as he can, which isn’t exactly a bad thing. After all, it’s not unusual for ambassadors to act like informants and spies, even if the nations are friendly – I don’t exactly remember where the phrase comes from, but that’s the way they stay friendly. So Azul being cautious around Ronza and the other ambassadors is not entirely ungrounded. So far, I can’t say that I relate to Ronza since we, like Azul, had just met him and he is very much a mystery, but it really struck me when he said that no one ever apologized to him before. And while Ronza took Azul’s snappiness and bad manners easily, he was really surprised when she and Martes tried to make amends. It’s more than just him being junior most, he probably had no friends at all back in his country, and if genuine affection is so foreign to him, he must be used to constant emotional abuse… The plot progresses quickly, considering that we moved straight to the all-out invasion and the siege of Svellcrest in a matter of one chapter. :o It’s a long step from simply breaching the border to outright attacking the capital, in fact, it’s a matter of time as well as strength, for the army to cross such a distance quickly. That would probably means that other settlements in Asguard are attacked, too, if neither them nor the army stationed in other places could help? In that case, Esmerld must be really strong then – guess them being capable of magic played its role in the invasion. Of course Anirah is going to make any deal or agreement she makes with Indigo a profitable one, that’s what the ambassadors do, working for the benefit of their own countries over the interests of their allies. ;) Politics is a fascinating thing, even if they are rarely fair, and it would’ve been interesting to see where Eastgate and the other countries stand regarding the war between Asguard and Esmerld. That strange coin Azul had found probably has some spell on her – it reminds me of Swartt’s monocles in a way that it affects the beasts around it. What’s interesting is that different beasts react to it differently, maybe it depends on a beast’s experience/level of faith, since Konan only had a headache while Martes’s very demeanor was affected. What’s even more amazing is that Azul didn’t seem to be influenced at all, or if she was, her narration didn’t reflect on that. I mean, when she lashed out at Ronza during their next meeting, she was way harsher and even crueler than is typical even for her, so that could be the coin affecting her without her even realizing it. If Aurora was the legendary/historical hero of Asguard, then meeting her in person would be quite a shock for Azul – sort of like meeting King Arthur, considering how many stories and legends she had heard of her and even written one herself. ;) Though considering the picture of Aurora you had posted earlier, I don’t think that Aurora is going to make good first impression, since she doesn’t seem like a friendly person. If anything, she reminds me of older Sayna a lot, the way she appears in ‘The Challenger’ and ‘Tears of the Ocean’, jaded and worn out by seasons of hardships…